dancing.

I wrote this somewhere else.
For a while I felt stupid to put this here, because my friends read this and I'm always happy. . .


I am 24 years old.
I have never been asked to dance.

I go to the parties.
I look cute. I put on my best outfit, I wear and dance in heels, my hair is done, my makeup is tight.

What happens?
My friend standing next to me gets asked to dance. I smile and cheer her on, like a good friend, but I'm still just standing there.

Now, it could be that I am with my thinner, cute friend. And maybe all the guys in the party like the petite thing she has going on.
It could be that I am with my light-skinned friend and they don't really fancy darker skin, like mine.
It could be that I'm with my sister, who doesn't look all that different from me. Maybe she has on a better color eyeshadow or something.
But in the whole party, there are tons of dark-skinned women dancing, fat women dancing, girls in sneakers or in high heels, women who could care less about their appearance and those who only think about it. Shy ones, mean ones, stinky ones, well maybe not the stinky ones. . . They are all dancing.

But either way, I get left on the wall, while they are dancing. Or turning people down. Or dancing, but not really wanting to, but still having the choice to dance with someone.

Now, I'm usually cool with dancing by myself or dancing with my girls. It's a lot of fun. But when that slow jam comes on and everybody starts grooving, and the guys start searching and choosing or asking. I've never been chosen. The worst feeling of all is thinking someone is walking to you only to have them say "Excuse me" and pass you up to get close to your friend. Or they say "Hi," and you smile. Then "Could you tell me who your friend is. . ."

I am one of the cutest, well-dressed, put-together (Well I think until I get out) invisible people on this earth.

I know, I know, I should get out there and start choosing. I should ask someone else to dance. And I should. I really should. But I think that everyone wants to know that someone is looking and likes what they see.

Or switch parties. Go to a different kind with different music and different people.


In the end, this really has nothing to do with dancing, though seriously, I've never been asked to dance. It's kind of just about everything that I've been struggling with right now.