Saturday, November 28, 2009

IRL || how it feels to be fat me. . .

The answer to much this Thanksgiving holiday:

"Sometimes I feel discriminated against, but it does not make me angry. It merely astonishes me. How can any deny themselves the pleasure of my company?
It's beyond me."

- Zora Neale Hurston
from "How It Feels to be Colored Me"

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

UPDATE || on the topic of being thankful:

I am thankful that I was able to be a part of Mosaic Youth Theatre of Detroit. I was a singer and my life was greatly enriched by being a part of this organization. I knew once I graduated from the program, I wanted my career to be in the arts.

Take time to vote so that they can have more funding to continue to allow young people express themselves and get quality training in the performing arts! (You have to fan Chase Community Giving in order to vote.)

LIFE || thankful.

It's a good thing to reflect and see how many reasons there are to be thankful. I've been doing that a lot lately. Maybe because it's because of the approaching holiday season or maybe it's something else--I don't really know. What I do know is I have lots of reasons to be thankful right now, at this time in my life.

  • I am thankful that I am here at this time. I feel like this is a time for me to learn and grow.
  • I am thankful for a wonderful family.
  • I am thankful for a mother who raised us, kept us safe, taught us well, covered us with love, made us her priorities, and even spoiled us a bit.
  • I am thankful for my friends, near and far, who still talk to me even with my problems and lapses in communication.
  • I'm thankful for my sisters. We're growing closer everyday and I love it.
  • I'm thankful that I have my own place and can get the things I need.
  • I'm thankful to be able to be an artist.
  • I'm thankful that I had an opportunity to go to college and grad school.
  • I am thankful that there is love, of all kinds, in my life.
  • I am thankful that I am not where I was emotionally or mentally six months ago.
  • I am thankful that I started caring about me.
  • I am thankful for the tough lessons. They are not always pretty or packaged neatly, but at least I'm learning.
  • I am thankful for realization. When you open your eyes you can't close them to hide mess anymore.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

LOVE || love and fighting the funk

I feel like I talk about love all the time. I definitely think about it all the time. I think it's mostly because I feel love a lot lately. Or at least I've been taking the time to process how love manifests itself in my life. I've become more aware of what love means to me in the scheme of things. And I'm not talking about romance here, though that is something nice to have. But I'm exploring love again, from the love I feel for myself and my continuous amazement of the things I can do when I take a little time and use a bit of effort, to the love I feel when I step into a room full of friends I've not seen in a while.

I have this complex, I guess, where I love to be alone. I love living by myself and having my own space. I like being comfortable there. But there comes a time where I get a bit down and I feel that no one really realizes I'm here. And there lies the problem. But there is also a solution: Finding ways to surround myself with people I love and who love me back. I spent time with sorors on Thursday. I had lunch and shopping time with my sister on Friday. I spent the entire morning with my mother. I had to put it back that people really do care.

And this is where the love comes in. When I'm feeling down and lonely, the fact that I can even call these people up and I get a 'yes' with no hesitation says something. Something like: I am loved.

I'm fighting the funk.
It's hard, but it's not that hard.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

FOOD || iCook.

Well, I'm learning.
Today I tried my hand at arroz con pollo for my family. It turned out delicious. For someone who has never used non-instant rice, this is a big thing.

I am working on my cooking skills. One, it's just a nice set of skills to have. Makes entertaining even better. Two, it gives me more things to eat that are healthful and filling during the week so I don't fill up on fast food or frozen dinners all of the time. Three, it's saving me money. Four, I'm having fun because cooking is creative and relaxing.

There will be more cooking, I'm sure. I'm obsessed with buying cookbooks from work. And I will need more taste-testers, so I welcome my friends to come and try. I also welcome any good recipes.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

IRL || peeves.

I am a fairly easy person to get along with. I adapt to and for the people in my life. Not in a way that makes me lose myself, but in a way that makes getting along easier. EVERY LITTLE THING is not a big, huge, massive, deal and if things about people and how they operate bother me that much, I should reevaluate what time I am spending with these people because that means I'm not getting happier.

But sometimes, people I do like, and many times people I'm not so fond of can strike just the right nerve with me and it sends me to a very, very angry place. These are my pet peeves:

Someone hanging up on me!
If you hang up, log off of chat or something similar, mid-conversation, especially a heated one without saying bye and giving me the chance to know you're leaving, I will be extremely pissed. It's rude, annoying, and shows you don't really care.
It's possible to let someone know you are going to leave the conversation. I've had conversations-turned-something-worse and the other person has said to me " You seem pretty upset now, I am going to hang up now. Call me back when you're feeling better. . . " Or something like that. I'm afforded the opportunity to say bye.

Being called the B-Word by total strangers.
I don't like being called "bitch" at all. I generally don't use that word. But there's a different type of sting when someone calls me "bitch" when I don't know her first name. Or the only thing I know about him is his first name. This anger doubles if I'm called "bitch" by a stranger to another stranger.

Uninvited Guests.
Unless I specifically invite you to invite some extra people, I am not a fan of just bringing whatever other person you please along. Most times I invite others to invite others and that's no big deal. With some particularly attached people, I assume the other half will be coming. But for me to come pick you up to have a fun afternoon or invite you over for cake and coffee and you bring a random person, without giving me a heads up is extremely frustrating, and it makes me pretty upset. I'm may not be prepared . . .

There are a few more: Mean people,blatant hypocrisy, but these are some of the biggies.
I hope you enjoyed your stay and do come again. :)

- a. renae